And My Shrink Said…

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OK, so yesterday due to my last weekend binge drinking madness a couple of weeks ago, I had a session with my shrink Dr. C. I did get to talk to him about a pattern that I’ve noticed, right before I go on a weekend binge. I explained to him, that first I start to feel sorry about myself and then it goes straight downhill from there. As a matter of fact, it gets to the point, were I go on what I like to call a “personal pity party”. I start to ask myself about what I have done with my life, then it goes from there to shit that I haven’t accomplish. I also mentioned to him, that I decided to give Risperidone another chance.

Dr. C told me that I must keep in mind, that maybe the high amount of racing thoughts that I have been experiencing lately, are connected to my bipolar II, OCD and me stopping the Risperidone a while back. I have to say, that I never looked at it in such a way. I also mention that I still feel sleepy in the morning, due to the Risperidone, but after the effect is gone, my mind is at peace. He reminded me, that the medication not only will help me with my racing thoughts, but also with my depression. I’ll see him again in a couple of weeks, which is good.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

At The Shrink

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So today, after I get out of the salt mines, I’m heading on straight to see my shrink Dr. C. The truth is, that even if  I had to change my appointment from mid April to today, because of my last binge, plus all the crazy shit that has been going on in my head, I’m still very happy that I’m going to see him today. The thing is, that even though I take my crazy meds every day, I’ve always liked talk therapy, because I feel as if I unload a thousand pounds off of my shoulders, because I clear my head. It also gives me a chance to look at things from another perspective and also get input from my shrink.

One thing for sure is, that I will be talking to him about me accepting my Bipolar II diagnosis. I know that he might be surprise because after all these years, I’m finally willing to accept, talk, open up and be honest about it. The thing is, that I didn’t accept it not because of the stigma behind it, but because in my mind, the racing thoughts and my behavior, was “normal”. I just hope that he doesn’t send me straight to the nuthouse in a straight jacket. Fingers crossed.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Peace Time With Risperidone

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OK, so even though I have been on a long on again, off again relationship with my crazy med Risperidone (An anti-psychotic). Because of all the crazy shit that has been going on in my mind lately, I decided to give it another chance to see what happens if I try different ideas. I have talked to Dr. C about the crazy med a couple of times before, and he knows that I went off of it only because I felt way too sleepy in the morning. Plus, I didn’t want to take it any earlier, because that meant that I had to go to sleep at around 7:00 pm, which didn’t make sense to me at all. I also tried taking ½ a pill and I even went as low as ¼ pill, but I still got the same results.

What made me change my mind and attitude about Risperidone? Well, just like my OCD, I eventually came to accept that I am really suffering from Bipolar II disorder. I also came to admit, that in order to have some mental peace, I have to get back on the crazy med ASAP. I have to say, that even though it has only been a couple of days, this time around feels better than before. I guess that after so many tries, my body is finally getting used to the crazy med for the better.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

We Only Share Some DNA

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Way back in time in The Dominican Republic, my father started a second family, and so he had four kids. They were two girls and two boys. For reasons unknown to me, even though she knew about my father’s second family, my mother never divorced him. To make a long story short, my mother died in 1996, but before that, she told me that the four kids didn’t ask to be born. In other words, the only two people to be blamed were my father and their mother. What she was trying to tell me was, for me to try to start a relationship with my half siblings.

My mother has been one of the most kindhearted people, that I have ever met. So, through my cousin, I was able to contact who I believe is the eldest of the four and had a couple of long telephone conversations with him. As a matter of fact, since we lived in the same neighborhood, I even invited him over numerous times, so we could meet and get to know each other, but he always came up with some lame-ass excuses. So, after a while, I got the message loud and clear and stopped calling him. Throughout the years, I’ve met him and the rest of the gang a couple of times… in family funerals. And that my homies and homettes, is the reason why I tell everyone, that I don’t have any brothers.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

One Alcohol-Free Weekend

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First things first my homies and homettes! Wherever you are on this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. As always, enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody mess it up for you no matter what goes down.

On a weekend note! since today is Sunday, we can say that this was my first alcohol-free weekend in a while. The only difference this time is, that I know why I love to binge drink on the weekends so much. But in case that you haven’t heard, as my shrink told me a couple of times, I was using alcohol to self-medicate.

Hey look, I know the definition of the word, it’s just that #1) I have been drinking since I was a teenager and #2) I didn’t want to accept my Bipolar II diagnosis. I knew that sometimes there was something odd about my behavior and “racing thoughts”, but I saw it as just part of being human. I guess that’s why so many people don’t get help in the first place. Because in their minds, they are just being “normal”.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Risperidone + Energy Drink

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First things first my homies and homettes! Wherever you are on this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. As always, enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody mess it up for you no matter what goes down.

On a crazy med note! On Thursday night, even though I don’t like the way that I feel in the morning after taking it, I decided to take one Risperidone pill, because the racing thoughts and depression were kicking my ass. I did learn one little trick this time around though.

Once in a while, whenever I don’t feel like having any coffee, I drink one or two energy drinks in the morning to keep from falling asleep at the salt mines. On Friday morning I drank one, in order to stop feeling sluggish from the Risperidone. The funny thing is, that it gave me a boost of energy, which never happened to me with energy drinks before. They do keep me awake, but they never gave me any extra energy. All I’ll say is, that I felt and looked like Speedy Gonzales on Cocaine.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Men Don’t Get Depressed!

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First things first my homies and homettes! Wherever you are on this crazy planet of ours, good morning, good afternoon, good evening or good night. As always, enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let nobody mess it up for you no matter what goes down.

On a depression note! It’s just so fucked up, how we are in the year 2019 and yet a man can’t get depressed in fucking peace. It must be something else, but it can’t be depression, because men don’t get depressed. And don’t even think about mentioning the antidepressants. We are machines built to last for motherfucking ever right?

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!